so i was looking at the goals i set on a blog recently and wanted to update

i have successfully painted my bedroom and re-decorated it

it went from a very overwhelming aqua color from middle school

to a pale yellow.

i took out one of the two twin beds

and re-arranged the furniture

i am still in the process of hanging up art and decorations

but i am hoping to complete that today

as for the other goals: i am running a race in a city nearby for breast cancer in october

i haven't started knitting yet, which is unfortunate

i have baked pumpkin bread and pumpkin scones

the bread was fabulous. the scones however, were a flop

i need a better recipe

but i don't have pictures

seeing as my nikon lens broke and i don't have money to replace it

this is probably the saddest thing that has happened in a while

and as for volunteering at an orphanage, that has yet to happen

however, i am most likely going to nicaragua in the spring

and i hope to be working with orphans and children in general there

lately i am enjoying things such as:

- our new public library. the old one we had since before I was born and it was never re-decorated or re-vamped which made it smell old and the same librarian is still ringing up the books. while there is something quaint about this, it's not that picturesque

but we have a brand new library, and its lovely

- working out at my new place of business. i work at the ymca as the parents morning out director and while it can be tiring working with kids, i am enjoying it. but getting to workout there for free is awesome. getting hit on by 60 yr old men named Al however, is not.

- the fall weather. i know that I have already stated this several times lately but fall is my favorite season of all seasons. mostly because i like the changing of leaves and the crisp cool air. but i love all that comes with fall such as: beanies, scarves, sweaters, pumpkin pie, actually everything pumpkin like candles and goodies. lately i have been driving with my windows down and i could easily fall in love during fall.

while i was a little upset about moving home after having lived by myself for four years and graduated college, it actually has been good for me. enjoy family while you can because growing up has a lot more responsibility than i think we all realize at certain times of our lives.

oh, i'm going to ministry school now. it's just what i need and God's love is so sweet.

off to drink some french press coffee and read outside in the cool fall morning weather. mmm.

thoughts.

dreams within

abound

to where

distant seas

fire melts

eyes burn

become glazed

pottery breaks

shatters

pieces that disappear

untraceable

you fumble around

the night creates

your movement

unabashed

nothing stops

fear within

the egg cracks

new life

from brokenness

set free

the beach.

i am in for a lunch break from laying on the beach

i know right, hard life.

we are currently staying in a condo at st. simons island.

it's only my parents and I, but it has been relaxing

last night we rented bikes and toured the island and stopped at some of the markets

i got a pair of sun glasses from this little vintage store called moon dance

the condo here has nice workout amenities so i have been taking advantage of them every morning

we leave tomorrow but before we go, we are going to zip over to savannah in the morning

i will hopefully see my friend sarah because her and her fiance have just moved there!

for the trip i decided to visit the local library and check out a few new books

i have only been reading one of them which is Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Foer

he also wrote, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.

i wanted to check that out but it was checked out currently

so far the book is interesting, it is set in Ukraine, where I visited last summer

i will give an update when I am done

i have decided to make some goals

it feels like a good time to really enjoy blogging and updating my life

even if only two people read it

i like to express thoughts and daily events on blogs

i type faster than i journal

some goals:

1. make a new recipe each week and post the pictures of how it turned out

- some of my favorite sites:

.:. http://www.underthehighchair.com/

.:. http://www.visionsofsugarplum.com/

.:. http://sproutedkitchen.com/ - this one compliments of janna

2. paint my room and bathroom. re-decorate and design.

3. run one race this year for a cause

4. knit or crochet a hat

5. volunteer at an orphonage

that's it for now. just some quick ones. i have some more but i don't want to think anymore ha.

also, i heard a little girl singing by the pool, "everyone is beautiful, on the inside."

ponder.

new beginnings. transition.

my thoughts are everywhere right now and I am trying to process them all into this little white box. with black letters. so pardon my scattered mind as I try to portray my past week.

even though I have stated this previously in other blogs, I have been in a steady transition phase since I left college. however, I tend to try to avoid feeling or emotionally involving myself in situations to avoid realizing how hard it is going to be. because I loved college and all of my friends in it. and leaving was really hard to do. but since being home I haven't fully let myself feel the results of that move. I have been holding it all in. As if that would somehow help me adjust, and it has only caused me to make myself really busy and not realize the changes going on. but here I am, smack dab in the middle of transition. and I have never been more aware of my indecision and misguidance. that has been my thought process for a few days. I went back to Lee last weekend and enjoyed seeing friends and spending time with people, but as soon as I came home Sunday, it was all back in my face. the realization- this is the rest of your life. what are you going to do now? and it's almost like you can either completely fall apart and be depressed or decide to embrace the future. well first off, I had to have that falling apart moment. but today was a great day.

first off, yesterday I was listening to Bob Marley and the song "no woman, no cry" came on and in it he sings his typical line, " everything is going to be alright." and it was in that moment that I realized God was reassuring me, everything is going to be alright. things are going to work themselves out. but it's letting go of the fear of the unknown and the control you try to have that will ultimately not work out. atleast not for me. so this morning, I woke up and let the day go. let God guide me. not one hour later I got my first offer for substitute teaching. a few hours later I had some different job opportunities open up in Newnan. and tonight was an amazing night with wonderful people. not to say that everything is going to be amazing from here on out, because duh, it won't. but I am beginning to realize that my outlook on the future determines my present. I want to go forward. I want to learn about myself. I want to discover truth and love and all things that pertain to life. Again.

well there is the thoughtful side of me, and my current circumstances.

on another note, it is time to begin fall.

the weather is getting cool.

and so I bring out the knitting needles.

I bought my first new ball of yarn tonight. a pretty light gray.

and will produce this:

i want to learn how to knit a hat as well. but I am going to need a good manual on this. anyone have suggestions? janna I know you know how to knit so maybe you can give me some tips :)

on top of knitting. it's time to start baking fall goodies. some of my favorites include pumpkin cheesecake:

and I want to make this yummy cocoa that giada made on everyday italian.

i am just way into this fall season before it has fully hit us.

but i'd rather get a head start on things. atleast knitting.

don't be surprised if some of you recieve scarves for christmas this year.

time for sleep. farmers market tomorrow!

well last time i said something about starting a photo blog.

however, my lens to my nikon is broken and has been sent in to get fixed

therefore, no photos for me for a couple weeks

im currently at my sister's house

drinking coffee

and enjoying a beautiful morning

i am SO excited about this early fall weather

fall is my favorite season

mostly because i love sweaters and beanies and scarves

i however get overwhelmed when winter hits

so cold you can't get warm if you try

but fall however, just cold enough for a sweater but too warm for a jacket

anyways, i am ready.

i have made it to the third book in the Twilight series.

no thanks to you, Chelsea

she started me on the first book and i have quickly moved onto the other two

i firmly stated when everyone was hyped up about the Twilight series, that I would not see the movie or read the books.

however, my roomie jones was watching the first one and i joined in

only to be completely enamored with "Edward" within 10 minutes

so lame.

but the books are so much better

and I cant wait for New Moon to come out.

i have watched the trailer atleast 10 times

such a school girl.

so the job hunt is still in progress

i now have my resume posted on every career website possible

one job i applied for was to be a pre-school photographer

sounds cool, except its where you come in with one of those snow white and the seven dwarfs backgrounds

and hold up a bunny and try to make kids laugh for pictures

however, i applied anyways.

when i got this response at the end of their email: "Thank you - we appreciate your interest in Teddy Bear Portraits!"

I knew that I couldn't take this job. No way was I going to tell everyone I worked for Teddy Bear Portraits. No way. Also, i just copied that link and it changed my font. Can't figure it out and don't want to.

Back to my original statement, the job hunt is still coming along.

I have two options right now:

1. stay at home with my family and try to find a job in the area

2. move to north atlanta into my sister's dads' house while he is out of the country for a few month and find a job then get my own place.

i am torn because i would like to move out. but i don't have money to get my own place. and living in north atlanta is an option but i don't want to move up there without knowing that I will get a job for sure. ahh.

having a degree is not always the cure. maybe ill go back and drop out of high school. get my ged and work the drive thru at McDonalds. not making fun, just saying, they have shift manager positions open right now.

if anything i can contribute to the growing population...

also, it would suck to be this kids mom.

someone took this photo and posted it online to make fun of his rolls

and i am only contributing.

karma karma karma karma-chameleonnn

tiptoeing.

home.

i never thought i would have the same zip code as my childhood again

but i do.

i never thought i would graduate college without a job

but i did.

i never thought i would leave college single

but i did.

i never thought i would leave a christian college more confused than when i first attended.

but i did.

however, through all of these uncertainties and surprises, i am content. somewhere deep inside of me. on the surface i feel a little fragile with all of this change. but along with uneasiness comes the peace that you never fully understand. it's only when i fully let my guard down, get real with God, and let him have control- that's when i find the peace. it's a process and i feel like i am very vulnerable. but it's in those moments of vulnerability with him that i grow and find love that i have strayed from at times. he has me under his wing and in time i will be ready to fly again.

on another note, this child is ridiculously cool.

i wonder if she realizes that although she is rather young for this shoot

if her style is even remotely close to this in middle school, she can forget about the taunting

just throw on some high tops and a button up and you are golden.

as of my freshman year of high school i thought it would be cool to paint my room bright turquoise- not a pretty shade. it's aqua. i currently feel like i am in the heart of the ocean off the coast of jamaica minus the sun and sand. therefore, i am starting a painting project this week.

i like to paint, but painting a room is a hassle what with all the moving furniture and making sure you don't miss a baseboard. however, it will keep me occupied as i wait for my GA certification to teach comes through.

on a final note- i am in a baking mood. so i will be making a batch of these soon.

i will post pictures if they actually turn out well.

maybe i will start a photo blog. i've got time.

love to all of you friends.

its one of those nights 

where you begin to have all of this revelation about your current situation

you have fun

you have great friends

but at the end of the day

you come back to your room

close the door 

and you are alone

sooner or later you have to face yourself

you and all of your flaws

being alone is ok though

but when you haven't been alone in a while it awakens your thoughts

and thats why i am writing right now

because my thoughts are being awakened

i am thinking of the lord

and his amazing love

the love that i have known so well

and been so overwhelmed in

but feel so far from right now

not because he isn't there to give it openly

but because i have been ignoring it

i have become so consumed in myself

and what i want to do 

and not what he has for me

and the love he wants to share with me so much

the revelation of this is overwhelming

in a good way though

the kind of overwhelmed that brings you to your knees

on your face before God

asking him for more of him

it is so easy to forget your focus

and fix your eyes on the temporary instead of eternal

but our lives are but a vapor

why waste time?

why waste our lives on things that don't have eternal significance?

in about three weeks i will be moving from cleveland

i have spent the last four years in this city

and looking back at who i was my freshman year is eye opening

i was so unaware of the world around me

and had no idea what the lord had in store for me

but he has been so faithful to me

even when i don't deserve it

yes, it will be hard to leave friends and a place that has helped form who i am today

but i know the stretch will be worth it 

because being refined only results in transformation

"don't despise the day of small beginnings."